The Pregnant Life: What you learn on your own.

          It was a Sunday morning at the end of January and Gat and I had just woke up. Mother Nature's visit was late and I have never been late in the 8 years it's been visiting me. Although I knew in my head there was no possible way I could be pregnant, I decided to just reaffirm my knowledge by taking a pregnancy test....5 positive tests later and a confirmation from the doctor, we finally accepted that we, mainly me, were going to be bring a tiny little human into the world. It took some time for the initial shock to wear off and little by little, day by day excitement crept it's way in...that is at least until week 7 hit.
          I am a full time nursing student, part time CNA at the hospital, I am a contracted cadet for an Army ROTC program at the University, and I am still trying to be a good wife and have a social life. So a difficult pregnancy was not something I had time for. Now I am only sharing with you my perspective of the 14 weeks I have experienced so far, so I don't know everything but if anyone reading this was anything like me, I had absolutely no clue what I was going to go through.

Here is what I knew about being pregnant from what people told me:

1. Growing a human is such a powerful thing for you to be able to do.
2. When you hear the heart beat for the first time, your life will change for the better.
3. It will amaze you the first time you feel that baby kick. 
4. When you hold that baby for the first time, you will feel a love unlike any other. 
5. You may get sick and throw up a couple times, but it will pass. 
6. Careful what you eat, those cravings will get to you and it doesn't just go away after the baby.
7. Do everything you want now, because when the baby comes your life will be all about them. 

These are the things I learned on my own from being pregnant:

1. Morning sickness is NO JOKE. And it isn't just a morning thing, it's a 24/7 thing. 
2. You are chronically exhausted. I mean, needing a nap 1-2 times a day after sleeping 10-12 hours at night. 
3. Eating is a job all in itself. You eat ONLY what sounds good, and even then it's only a couple bites.
4. When you should have gained 4 pounds by a certain point but you've lost 8. Normally losing weight would be a good thing. 
5. Say goodbye to your sex drive. 
6. What is dinner?
7. Going out is a one in a million thing, it's not very appealing to upchuck in public.
8. Pregnancy headaches are debilitating.
9. Hormones give you seriously intense mood swings. Crying, being pissed, depressed. All of it. 
10. It takes a lot more than just simply being pregnant to "bond" with your baby.
11. Baby names are great until you have to find some you like enough to give to your child. 
12. Your husband/boyfriend/SO/baby daddy IS NOT pregnant with you. 

I am beyond excited to be a mom to this sweet tiny little human. They already mean the world to me and October could not come fast enough! We are both so excited to bring this babe into the world and welcome them into our family. But I never realized the price I would pay to become a mother. This little one is the greatest blessing I could have ever asked for, even if I wasn't planning on it right now. I would give anything to eat a regular meal and maybe even if I am really lucky, to eat dinner with my husband. I would love to have the energy to go to school, go to work, and clean my house. But it seems I only can pick one each day. 

The toilet has been my best friend, which is terribly disgusting if you ask me. Throwing up all the time takes a toll on you. I am not worried about my abs because they get a workout everyday. Some days I get so sick that I have to crawl to the bathroom (thank goodness it isn't very far), and sometimes I don't leave the bathroom because it's easier to just stay there. Honestly, the only people who will fully understand what I am talking about, are the ones that have experienced it themselves. Just trust me when I say, I have never been more miserable in my life, and I pray that nobody has to experience this. If you do, get lots of gatorade, find a really warm soft blanket, and find a good, long show on Netflix. 

I miss sleeping on my stomach. My body hurts all time, I feel like I've done a total body workout every day, even though I haven't worked out in over a month. I have lost most of my muscle mass and I get dizzy every single time I get up from anywhere. I take so many different medications and supplements to keep my body functioning the way it should. I have never had such intense indigestion in my whole life. 

Don't get me wrong, it was an incredible feeling to hear that heart beat and to see it grow at every ultrasound. It amazes me that MY BODY is growing a human being. And clearly I love the little one because I let it take every thing I have. But as beautiful as pregnancy is, I am counting down the seconds to when I am not pregnant. Looking forward to working out, intensely, eating whatever I want whenever I want, I cannot tell you how much I look forward to an intimate life, and I am very excited to hold this sweet tiny baby in my arms and loving them with everything in me...and I have an awesome baby jogger to run with this sweet one!

Sweet Tiny Human that is causing all the damage! Sure is cute though!

So there's the little tidbit from my corner of the world. For what it's worth, I am considering maybe having another one in like 5 years.

The Missionary's Girl

Because this feels like the story of my life...here is a poem for everyone. Those going through it will relate and then everyone else will laugh...but hey, it's my life and lot's of others too! So here it is, a poem about the girl the missionary left behind for two years: 

                The Missionary's Girl:

Somewhere between the whirl of teen-age dates and the responsibility of matrimony, we find a lone creature called the Missionary's Girl.

They come in two varieties... engaged and hopefuls. They come in assorted sizes, weights, and colors, blue being the most common.

The missionary's girl is found at home, missing parties (Just the parties that have overzealous RM's), staying away from dances (too depressing without ??? there), paying her own way to the movies, and buying stationary by the gross.

Missionaries love them, young girls look up to them, parents tolerate them, postmen hate them, and weekly letters support them.

A missionary's girl is a composite. She has the appetite of a hormonally unstable 18-year-old girl, the enthusiasm of a wet noodle, the patience of Job, the persistence of a stainless steel salesman and the imagination of Scherazade.

She likes letters from the mission field, invitations to his home, long distance telephone calls, items for his scrapbook, pictures of him, and other girls who are waiting (I LOVE my MGs!).

She isn't much for Saturday nights out on the town ; people who say, "Two years is a long time"; or  “Don’t waste your time” or the classic “ so much can happen in two years” , new clothes with no one to wear them for; sad movies and music; movies with love scenes; knitting; wedding receptions; little sisters who date; calenders; and "Dear Janes."

A missionary's girl is an odd object: She can get lonesome, discouraged, and temporarily lose faith in the whole missionary system. No one else can write such cheerful letters in such a rotten mood. No one else can get such a thrill at the end of the day by the words, "Why yes, there is a letter for you." Nobody else is so early to bed and so early to rise.(More like....Nobody else is capable of writing such competent, lengthy, and entertaining letters in the wee hours of the morning.)

A missionary's girl is virtue with no chance to be otherwise, faith with twenty-four months to wait, prudence with 69 cents in her savings account, and beauty with no one to give a darn.

Yes, she is all this, but it will all be forgotten the day he receives his letter of release and, upon his arrival home she will probably utter the words she once considered trite, "It hasn't seemed like any time at all!"

~ Dan Valentine

You are welcome.

Until Next Time

For all the bad times and to the good that will follow...

    It's been a rough couple of weeks lately and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier but as I've thought about it, there are so many things to learn from the hard things we go through in life. Some may be dealing with an addiction whether it be their own or someone they really love. Some may be dealing with abandonment or depression which are both emotional damaging and in some case to the extreme. Some may be dealing with the loss of a loved one or being apart from the one they love for a time period. and some might just be lost in a world they feel they don't belong. Regardless of what it is, we all have trials we are going to be faced with and sometimes we just need someone to remind us that it will be okay. I want to be that person for you. Whoever you are. I want you to know that it is going to be okay. You're probably thinking to yourself  "well who is she to tell me that my life will be okay". You are probably right. I don't know every single human being and there life stories and circumstances. I do know one person however that assures me I am right. Jesus Christ, the Savior and Redeemer of us all. He suffered and died for all of us so that it would all be okay. That doesn't mean that we won't hurt or feel any pain, but it does mean that we don't have to do it alone. There might be some who don't believe in Christ and for those of you I challenge to truly find out and make sure you know he isn't real because in the process of trying to prove that I am wrong you'll discover that you might not have it correct. Just in case though,  I want to share some experiences with you that I have gone through that might help.
    In 7th grade my great grandma died, the first loved one I had ever remembered losing. She passed away on Valentine's day of 2008. This was such a hard thing to accept because I had become so close to my grandma and she was one of my best friends. I knew I would be with her again one day though because our family had been sealed for time and eternity thanks to the decisions my great grandparents, grandparents, and parents made. Such a tragic event for most families was a peaceful event full of love for my family because we believe in the Plan of Happiness and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

    When I was younger I had a boyfriend and he was a sweetheart to say the least. He was my best friend and I loved the kid dearly. He shared with me some of his trials and for the first time I can remember I was a vessel of the spirit as I gave him advice and tried to help him as much as I could. That was a long time ago for both of us and now he is serving an LDS mission and I am so incredibly proud of the man he's becoming. How is this relevant? I ask myself sometimes if he'd be where he was if I hadn't been there for him or if I hadn't been someone he trusted enough to let in, then we both would have missed out, at least on this experience. At this point I was happy and nothing to extreme had happened to me to test my faith but what I didn't realize is that I was being prepared for what the future had to hold for me.

    When I was fifteen, I thought I was on top of the world. I was a cheerleader and I played volleyball which were both my passions. I had awesome friends, two fabulous best friends, and there was always a boy some where in the picture. The world couldn't get any better...but it could get worse. It was Christmas eve and something happen that shook me completely. It placed a strain on my family and our relationships within. Unfortunately I didn't feel as close to the Savior as I should have and I wasn't doing the best that Heavenly Father asked of me, but my prayers were still answered and the Christ still helped me and somehow I got through it. It took a long time for things to get back to normal, but they did and that is all I could have asked for. I like to think of myself as a child and the savior is saying to "Come follow Me".

    On April 23, 2011 the world lost one incredible soldier in God's Army. Troy Taylor was a loving and happy friend. He never failed to make me laugh at myself and he loved everyone. Due to some things in his life that I will never know, he took his own life because it was too hard to handle down on earth. Heavenly Father welcomed troy back home with open arms and I know that I along with his family and friends will be able to see him again. It breaks my heart that it was too much for him to be on earth, I wish I would have known so that I could help him know that it was going to be okay. Because of this event it many hearts became broken and full of sorrow. I like to try and look at the positive in every situation I can and something I had to realize was that this was a trial for those he left behind. Our faith was tested and we really had to rely on the Savior to make it through. Losing a loved one that has lived a long full life is really rough but losing a friend that left way too early and with out any warning is so much harder. But I got through it, because I had people I loved reminding me that it was going to be okay.

   As if losing Troy wasn't enough, a year later another amazing Son of God left us. Zack flippin Shultis. Man I adored this kid. Zack and I went to school together during 8th grade. We sat next to each other in science in Mr. Halterman's class and it was so much fun. He always made comments under his breath so only I could hear and I got in trouble for laughing but it was always worth it. I always had a crush on him, ever since I had met him and at times it was stronger than others. The only unfortunate part was I never told him. Zack is an incredibly talented musician and I believe he is in Heaven just serenading everyone. When I found out Zack had passed on, I was devastated. I was so broken up and I couldn't find the light anymore. Zack had popped into my head and I was going to go message him back on Facebook. When I got on, I saw people posting on his wall to Rest in Peace. My heart started to race. No way, not Zack. I called a friend and she told me that he had taken his own life and that he was really gone. I cried for 3 days straight. There was no light to see anymore and so many regrets flooded into my head, so many things I wanted to say to him and he was suppose to be famous. That was my favorite memory of Zack. He had signed my yearbook and wrote "Zack Shultis" so after joking around about how heartfelt his inscription was, I asked him why he just wrote his name and he responded "One day I am going to be famous and that yearbook is going to be worth a lot of money. It was the best thing I could give because then you can sell it and live off that money." We laughed and laughed and it made for a great memory but the point it, I got lost in the darkness and this time it was a little harder for me to find my way back. I couldn't understand why this kept happening. Why Troy? Why Zack? Why Me? Why why why? Here's what I learned, when bad things happen, stop asking why and ask what can I learn? I also learned that the pain goes away and the sorrow fades. It eventually all becomes okay.

   The next thing I can't classify as a trial because it really is a blessing in disguise but believe me when I tell you that it is in the top three of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. Last year I met an amazing guy and ended up dating him, lucky me :) He left for two years to serve an LDS mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints on October 3, 2012 and now he's been out almost 11 months. I never wanted to have a missionary, in fact I said a million times that I never would. That is until I met this stud. I would never change my decision to wait because I know this kid is so worth it but it doesn't make any of it any easier. I've never felt so alone being surrounded by people all the time. We have an interesting relationship, it's good, but interesting, and I can't explain the way he makes me feel. I just know that when he was here and we were together (which we were always together) I had never been happier and I always felt safe but daring to do anything with him. With him gone I feel so alone and lost and a bit scared of life in a sense. I don't know where the future will take us which is just as scary but all I can do is hope that what I want is what he wants and what the Lord wants for both of us. I miss him a lot and of course I am counting down to when he comes home but this two years is the greatest adventure I have ever been on. My testimony has grown so much and I've learned to rely on the Lord and I've become an excellent pray-er. The Lord will bless you when you sacrifice for him. Rikely makes an amazing missionary and I believe in him. He is so incredible and has so much faith. This kid is so determined and he will change the world. 13 months are going to fly, I just hope I stop feeling so lonely or this last year will be a bit miserable.

   The last thing I want to touch on is an inner battle I feel we all face. For a long time I never felt like I was ever good enough. I wasn't smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, brave enough, and so on. I never had a place to fit in and for a long time I was pretty miserable. All I wanted was to fit in. To find somewhere I belong and play the part like every other person. Junior high never helped. People there were mean and they put other people down to try and make themselves feel better. The unfortunate part is that it's a vicious cycle the top dog realizes that being the most popular or having the nicest clothes isn't true happiness so they pick on the one below them and so on down the food chain in school. I played a nice part of my school career at the bottom and it was terrible. I was the fat girl that didn't have any friends. The perfect catch to prey on. Sometimes I felt so low that even dirt seemed cooler than me. The hardest part of it all is that my family wasn't any better. I wasn't living up to the standard of the family and without even knowing they were pressuring me to be better. So one day I starred at myself in the mirror for what felt like forever. I decided I didn't like what I was seeing. So I changed myself. I worked as hard as I could to become the person I wanted to be. My dream had always been to be a cheerleader so I made that my goal. I worked so hard every day and some times I didn't always do it the healthy way which I regret terribly but that comes from the constant pressure. The weird part is I would never change that. I learned a lot from that. Flash forward five years and in those years I was a cheerleader, played volleyball-made the team four years, had a couple of boyfriends, made some amazing friends and best friends, and loved life. Now I can't promise that changing the way you look is going to make everything better because sometimes I still struggle but I can promise that if you find something you love and let that be your guide you will find your way.
    The point is, you will be okay. You have to have the bad to get the good. What fun would a roller coaster be if it just went strait and flat? Exactly. Life is beautiful and there are so many wonderful things in this world for you to enjoy, but you have to endure through it the bad things as well. You are never a lone. I always felt a lone and now as I look back there were so many people helping me a long the way. It gets better. Please remember that. I want to end this with a quote from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
           

“Don't you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in Good Things to Come.”

 Until next time,

So I think it's time to tell about one of the greatest blessings in my life. His name is Rikely and he is serving a two year LDS mission right now. But before I say too much about him, I think I need to give a little background.
     A year and a half ago I met a boy that would change my life and I had no idea at the time. My thoughts when I met him my thoughts were that of your average teenage girl. He was tall and built with light brown hair and a terribly contagious smile. He intrigued me, that's for sure! This complete stranger greeted me with a giant bear hug and that's when I realized he was someone I wanted to get to know better, and so I did. We went on our first date a week later and we dated from that point on. In June of 2012 he received his mission call and he left the beginning of October. He's been out for 11 months and I couldn't be more proud. It's been an adventure dating this stud and it hasn't always been easy but I know it will be worth it in the end, at least that's what everyone keeps telling me. :)
     Now I can brag about Rikely to you all. From the very beginning, he has always proved to be an incredible guy. He never failed to make me feel special and always treated my like a Daughter of God. He is so much fun! He really is like a child inside a 20 year old body. We were always doing something adventurous or random and they were things that any average person would be embarrassed by but with him it just felt normal. He's amazing. That's enough I don't want to overload you too much. He's the guy in my life and I love him dearly and if he ends up being the one that I get to spend my eternity with (which will be cool with me), I will be happy forever. For now I wait and write and grow while he serves and teaches and grows and before we know it he will be home and life will be good! Waiting isn't a bad thing and it's not a stupid thing either. It shows sacrifice and dedication and the worst thing that can come from it is you learning sacrifice and patience which are traits that will help for eternity.
Until next time,

Hey so it's been awhile but now im in shool and its quite fun i enjoy it! I am a cheerleader which is pretty exciting!! and its almost thankgiving th whole family will be there except aaron but ray is coming to fill in for him!!! Then on monday my grandma and gandpa leave for england for a year and a half for there mision. im not sure if i am exited or sad i think both! Then in Febuary Colby leaves on the third for portland Oregon on the third for two years for his mision im definitely excited for him but very sad because i don't know what i'm going to do without him!!! Well thats all for now!!! tata for now

A Busy Life

Man i never thought i could be so busy and not busy at the same time! Let's explain!
So this summer I have been to Florida for Disney world where i celebrated the 14Th year of my existence or in other words 14 years of life being so much better for those who know me! Ha ha just kidding but then it was time to return home because you stay in paradise too long and it's no longer paradise! I also was very sad because I met some really great people there! Anyways it was nice to return! I was able to relax a little bit you know more hanging out at Amy's eating delicious food that is healthy and of course loaded with tons of vegetables oh and her asking me if I have heard this song and seen this movie and of course the answer is no but there have been a few yes's! I also would join the Gull family in a trip to summer lunch for free! Which is always a bonus! At the end of the month i took a nice vacation to marvelous San Diego, California to visit the amazing Jared and Ray the best uncles ever!!! While there my phone decided to get wet and fried so i had to return home and purchase that but it's another story! While in paradise i went to the beach the tide pools, the zoo, swimming and church (which was a very beautiful building), and my favorite part the San Diego Temple the most Beautiful temple in the world in my opinion! Finally it was time to return home from there and then it was to the cousin's house were i spent most of my time on the Wii and the fur wheeler! Woohoo park city with an extra child I was tending from Wednesday till the next Monday which was also another experience! We swam and tanned and I have an awesome tan from falling asleep by the pool! Then I returned to my home Monday around noon and had to pack super fast to get my stuff for girls camp to my leaders house for girls which i had to be to at 9:00 in the morning not fun! Especially since i went to sleep at 12:30 a.m but it was a blast and now i have a new BFFFFFFFFFFF( best friend for for for for for for for for for for EVER) and i think she is the greatest in fact i miss hanging out with her! That came to an end though and i returned home (which I am beginning to think is Amy's house cause that's where i returned to too hang out with Amy and her fun loving nieces which Heidi went on a date with my brother! Now I have volleyball practice and youth conference a week right after girls camp which was last Tuesday till Friday and youth conference is on Thursday! Then it's all volleyball and our first game is on the 21st then school starts on the 24Th! Yikes!!!!! and I'll be a freshman!

Girls Camp!!!

O how i love Girls Camp!!! It was the best ever! I am super sad i am home now and that ist's over but it was nice to shower in my own nice shower and to be in my room! I met the greatest person!!! Her name is Natalie and we are so BFFFFFFFFFFs!!!!! I love her to death and we are the greatest friends! We also had a very spiritual testimony meeting and it was great! i loved it! The Spirit was so strong! Oh and I almost forgot school starts in three weeks!!!! I am so not ready for that!!!